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1. The “want of caring”
What can I do to help myself and my students act more caringly?
In examining this I first look at my own caring ways. The more I
am inclined to be caring - the more my work regarding my students
has already begun. I welcome your views regarding this ongoing exploration.
In situations that call for caring, I find that there are three
levels of responsiveness I may find myself in. First, I may feel
naturally inclined to help, feeling drawn to the person or situation
involved. In the second situation, I don’t feel naturally inclined
to help, but tell myself that helping is the decent thing to do
- and do it. The final situation is one of “non response,”
due to hostile, neutral or confused feelings to name just a few.
The key question for me here is ... how do I move to a level of
greater responsiveness in caring? First, I will just try to understand
“what is going on,” at each of these three levels. Then
I’ll explore what can be done to move up the ladder of caring.
1 Description of levels of responsiveness in caring
1a - Primary Level - Natural Caring
I feel naturally inclined to help, feeling drawn to the person
or situation involved.
When I notice that I feel drawn to help, I am reminded of words
of by Milton Mayeroff in his fine work “On Caring,” “I
care for someone if I feel a stir of desire or inclination toward
him. In a related sense, I care for someone if I have regard for
his views and interests.”(p.9) He goes on to say on a later
page “Obligations that derive from devotion are a constituent
element in caring, and I do not experience them as forced on me
or as necessary evils; there is a convergence between what I feel
I am supposed to do and what I want to do.” (p.11)
Nel Noddings in her work “Caring - A Feminine Approach to Ethics
and Moral Education,” calls wanting to care - genuine or natural
caring. She likens the love of a mother for her child as a primary
example. “There are moments for all of us when we care quite
naturally. We just do care; no ethical effort is required. “Want”
and “ought” are indistinguishable in such cases (p.81).
“ .... memory of our own best moments of caring and being cared
for sweeps over us as a feeling - an “I must” - in response
to the plight of the other and our conflicting desire to serve our
own interests. (p.79).
I believe that key words discussed above regarding building natural
caring are “devotion,” and “memory of our own best
moments of caring and being cared for.” Whether I experience
the building of a relationship with a current student or have the
memory of my grandmother teaching me how to make chicken soup years
ago - they all build - and all help toward my being more naturally
and warmly responsive.
1b - Second level - Ethical Caring
I am not inclined to help, but realize that it is the decent
thing to do. I call upon an ideal of caring - and I act.
This is what Nel Noddings refers to as calling upon an “ethic
of caring,” Indeed, if in natural caring our hearts point the
direction for us ... here with an ethic of caring, our heads help
move us to act decently. Here, ethical caring helps me to be willing
to hold the doorfor someone that I don’t like. Nel Noddings
writes (p. 80) ... “Recognizing that ethical caring requires
an effort that is not needed in natural caring does not commit us
to a position that elevates ethical caring over natural caring.
Kant has identified the ethical with that which is done out of duty
and not out of love, and that distinction in itself seems right.
But an ethic built on caring strives to maintain the caring attitude
and is thus dependent upon, and not superior to natural caring.”
I believe that a key phrase in Nel Nodding’s writing of this
section is that “an ethic built on caring strives to maintain
the caring attitude and is thus dependent upon, and not superior
to natural caring.” While ethical caring may draw its methods
from natural caring I do not believe it to be an inferior way of
being. Dealing with ambivalent or negative feelings can be a very
honorable and sometimes courageous thing to do. In this current
edition of our website newsletter an article explaining the approaches
of “emotional intelligence pioneer,” Peter Salovey may
be of interest to look at (Behind the window on the”what”
of caring on our home page).
1c - Third level - non or negative response
Either I feel that I “don’t care,” I am hostile
or I might do something if I just knew better how to help.
I must admit ... sometimes it does not seem that I do not care one
way or other or ... I just don’t like someone at that particular
moment or ... I am frustrated, I want to do something, but I just
don’t know what to do and I don’t do anything. Well not
exactly, sometimes I do think about what happened and sometimes
feel troubled. As a matter of fact, an outward inaction plus the
workings of my conscience and my feelings often help me evolve to
a place of figuring out what I might to differently in the future.
At any rate, when I find myself in these situations - there is
help ... I can avail myself of the higher levels of caring skills.
In the next section, I will explore some ways that I am able to
move up the caring ladder by being with a fellow caring person or
I prepare tools for myself for when I am on my own.
2 How do we move up the ladder of caring?
2a - The caring practice of being with someone who is caringly responsive?
I believe if I can be with someone who is being naturally caring,
I can learn some of his or her ways and some of those ways will
rub off on me. Through the kindness and help of others, I become
more kind and competent. Not only does the warmth of another flow
to me, their helping me to become more competent to carry on on
my own is evident as well. My improved ways are then experienced
and benefit my students.
There are always fellow teachers and others who are very caring
- they seek to understand before acting to quickly, they are naturally
helpful, they find the good in what I am trying to do. One very
useful way is to schedule time with a fellow teacher or group of
teachers to discuss how things are going in my class. I know that
schools have weekly staff meetings and sometimes have grade level
meetings at that time. It would be good from time to time to have
those grade level meetings become helping circles where teachers
share concerns and approaches. These approaches may be aspect of
caring - be it developing a more student centered lesson, or dealing
with my own emotional reaction to a student, or helping a student
resolve a difficulty, etc. We should realize that “self-help,”
can be done with others as well as alone. Here, I am speaking of
going through the process with one or more others.
An approach that I use is to watch Mr. Rogers during my lunch time
when possible. Even though he is coming to me through television,
his caring ways do reach me. Another approach I use is to make note
of and appreciate the many caring people whose path I cross each
day ... the assistant in my classroom, students, a visiting parent.
Viewing at the home page of our web site and looking into the “windows”
on the “what of caring” or “caring ways,” may
be helpful here if you wish see some further examples of how one
acts caringly.
2b - Ways to be reminded of caring approaches when I am by myself?
So ... what do I learn from my contact with others who are responsively
caring that I can “remember” when I am not with them and
I am feeling not very inclined to act. I am working on a set of
overall individual practices of caring that often but not always
occur in a certain order. When I look at this list at a time of
reflection, it often serves to remind me of something I might do
a little differently the next time - such as taking more time to
listen to a student tell me why he if feeling upset. It also provides
a good opportunity to endorse myself when I notice things I am doing
well.
I find the more I use these practices, the more practiced I become
and indeed something happens - trust and empathy grow and a relationship
builds with the student I am communicating with. Not only do I move
up the ladder from “apparent non caring,” to “ethical
caring” (caring out of a sense of duty), put actually proceed
to feel really connected to that student - and become more”naturally
caring.” I don’t believe in magic, but I do believe in
the magical. In this process “magical things happen.”
The caring stages and practices I am working on are shown in a simplified
format below. I am always appreciative of what I learn both in experience
and the writings and sharings of others as this model evolves. An
earlier version (one that will be updated) of this model is also
presented in a more extended discussion behind the home page “window,”
called “Self-help.” I call it “Caring that goes around
comes around.
While I believe there are similarities in viewing the stages of
caring and their practices in many different examples of caring
such as giving a lesson, resolving a conflict, giving a present
or deciding to rest because I am tired ... there are some differences
as well. It would be helpful in viewing the example below to think
of it in a situation where a teacher sees a student struggling with
doing a math problem and decides to help. If you wish to see a further
discussion of how caring is similar or different in various situations
you may go to our home page and view the window on "Commonality"
in caring.
|
Ethical
Caring Reminders
|
|
Stages
over time
|
Practices
Emphasized
|
| #1 Facing my
attitude |
am I friendly, am I welcoming, am I warm, seeing the
good, being willing, humility
|
| #2 Being Aware |
looking, seeing,
seeking, being conscious, engaging, involving, am I patient,
accepting |
| #3 Responding |
noticing, surge
of emotions, notice my physical symptoms, feeling feelings,
and then dealing with emotions, calming |
| #4 Giving Attention |
listening without
judgment, receiving, learning, knowing, confirming understanding
and genuineness of expression |
| #5 Help build
competence |
noting something
positive, noting and expressing possibilities, building
self-help, dialogue, allowing creativity, resolving, practice,
simulations, students talents and interests, meaningful
or useful to student, allowing for self-discovery, adding
a step above current proficiency, helping student to choose
from choices, looking at prior knowledge |
| #6 Time alone |
3R’s - reflection,
rest and return to care again |
|
I believe a key element that helps someone become more responsive
is to express self-prompts more in feeling than thinking terms (which
may be used in the third stage above). Instead of saying to Bill
- “That was wrong to hit Jimmy,” it is may be better to
initially say “Don’t hit Jimmy, that hurts him.”
Another stronger example regards the Golden Rule. While I believe
it is very useful to use, preliminarily at least it may be better
to say “Look Sally is hurt, I wonder how she is feeling,”
rather than ... how would you feel if Sally poked you? In this way,
we go more directly to the heart of the matter and there is less
likelihood to spark guilt or resentment.
Also regarding the practices above, I believe the first one - Facing
my attitude - is the most important. It is the practice that ties
most directly to feelings and serves as a foundation for all the
other practices that follow. We can not necessarily fully change
an attitude in the first stage, but we can at least have a chance
to shift it ... for example, to move from ambivalence to willingness
is a big step. It becomes even bigger when doing this, combined
with moving forward on the following stages and practices, a cumulative
effect is built up. Indeed, caring that goes around not only comes
around ... it gets stronger. This is the force of caring.
In closing
I would like to share some pertinent and profound words of Viktor
Frankl from his book “Man’s Search for Meaning.”
He was a psychiatrist who was a survivor of the Nazi concentration
camps of World War II. In his work he wrote of three things that
helped persons find meaning which also helped them survive. I believe
that the methods we have been discussing regarding “responsiveness”
in caring have some strong similarities to what Viktor Frankl is
speaking about.
He says, one way of finding meaning is by “experiencing
something or encountering someone” - Certainly, most of
natural caring that exists in my life is the result of being with
people who have helped or have moved me. I feel the better for having
been with them.
Viktor Frankl says another source of meaning comes
from “creating a work or doing a deed.” Certainly,
when we help ourselves to do deed that is not easy to do - we gain
meaning. For example, treating another with respect, even if I feel
ambivalently towards that person, can start the journey to actually
feeling some warmth towards that person as well as to help that
him or her become happier, friendlier or more competent as well.
Finally, Viktor Frankl speaks of “the attitude
we take towards unavoidable suffering.” Surely few of us
experience the pain of one in a concentration camp. Whatever pain
we feel, we are better able to come through it - be it due to the
natural caring or ”ethical caring,” we experience or employ
in our lives.
All those “ways” of caring helps to build an inclination
to care by the one being cared for. A reinforcing cycle of caring
is set in motion onto which I the cared for am on ... and now will
care more for myself and others. Not only does one of the goals
of caring become the maintaining of caring ... it becomes one of
the outcomes.
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2. CONNECTIONS - Beyond the classroom - The caring practice
of Listening
This theme of love growing out of receiving another human
being has been central to thinkers, writers and artists throughout
the ages. We offer you some writings here. To continue this
tradition, we ask for your thoughts and favorite quotes on
this and other caring themes.
Carl Rogers from “A Way of Being”
“When I truly hear a person and the meanings that are important
to him at that moment, hearing not simply his words, but him,
and when I let him know that I have heard his own private
personal meanings, many things happen. He wants to tell me
more about his world. He surges forth in a new sense of freedom.
He becomesto the process of change...” (p.10)
“On the basis of my experience I have found that if I
can help bring about a climate marked by genuineness, prizing
and understanding, then exciting things happen. Persons and
groups in such a climate move away from rigidity and toward
flexibility, away from static living toward process living, away
from dependence toward autonomy, away from defensiveness
toward self-acceptance, away from being predictable toward an
unpredictable creativity. They exhibit living proof of an actualizing
tendency.” (p.44)
Martin Buber from “I and Thou”
“With trees, as with human beings and works of art,
one can take the existential stance of I-Thou, making that tree
(or that person or that work of art) not a thing among things,
not a loose bundle of named qualities, but a whole unto itself.
For the duration of I-Thou, the object of one’s attention is
not
bounded by space and time but ‘fills the heavens.’ The
person
sees all else in light of that tree or that person or that work
of art.”
W.A. Mathieu, from
“The Listening Book: Discovering Your Own Music”
“Listen to people with detachment, without wanting a
certain thing to be so, without judgment, just for the practice
of
it. What you will hear is the cadence of desire on there voices...
but to hear the passion, you have to take yourself out of the
equation. Listen empty.” (p.23-25)
Ernest Kurtz and Katherine Ketcham from “The Spirituality
of Imperfection: Storytelling and the Journey to Wholeness”
“The practice of seeking out guides, mentors or social
friends who might give some direction in the journey toward
spirituality is an ancient one. Spiritual ‘directors’
- those who
offer some sense of direction - rarely ‘teach’ in the
ordinary
sense of telling truths. Instead, they serve first and
foremost as listeners, hearers who attend in a way that
elicits honesty, sincerity, thoughtfulness and conscientiousness
from the speaker.... By listening well, by asking the right questions,
by requiring ‘wholeheartedness,’ a spiritual director
helps
uncover the reality of one’s spiritual condition...”
Krishnamurti, 1981, “Education and The Significance of Life”
“To understand a child we have to watch him at play,
study him in his different moods; we cannot project upon him
our own prejudices, hopes and fears, or mold him to fit the pattern
of our desires.”
Dale Carnegie “How to Win Friends and Influence People”
“Midnight came. I said good night to everyone and
departed. The botanist then turned to our host and paid me
several flattering compliments. I was ‘most stimulating.’
I
was this and I was that; and he ended up by saying I was a
‘most interesting conversationalist.’ An interesting
conversationalist? I? Why, I had said hardly anything at all.
I couldn’t have said anything if I had wanted to without changing
the subject, for I don’t know any more about botany than I
know about the anatomy of a penguin. But I had done this:
I had listened intently. I had listened because I was genuinely
interested. And he felt it. Naturally that pleased him. That
kind of listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay
to anyone.” (p.81)
October 20, 1999 newsletter issue
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INVITATIONAL EDUCATION - Excerpts and links to works of William
Purkey and many kindred spirits (May 2000)
I learned of the works of William Purkey and his associates using
Invitational Education from Nel Noddings, a leader in teaching and
promoting caring ways that put the relationship between the carer
and cared for as primary. I am grateful for the warmth and smiles
that emanates from this new discovery for me. If Invitational Education
is a new find for you, I hope you enjoy it as well. I know your
children can benefit from it. The two excerpts below can be found
in the context of a larger writing by connecting to the Invitational
Education Website at http://www.invitationaleducation.net/
What is Invitational Education?
Invitational Education is an approach to the teaching-learning process
centered on interconnected assumptions offered to understand those
myriad positive and negative signal systems that exist within the
total educational environment. It is a theory of practice for communicating
caring and appropriate messages intended to summon forth the realization
of human potential as well as for identifying and changing those
forces in schools which would defeat and destroy potential. Invitational
Education asserts that every person and everything in and around
schools adds to, or subtracts from, the process of being a beneficial
presence in the lives of students. Ideally, the factors of people,
places, policies, programs and processes should be so intentionally
inviting as to create an environment in which every person is cordially
summoned to develop intellectually, socially, physically, psychologically,
and spiritually.
The purpose of the Inviting School Award is to recognize schools
throughout the world who exhibit the philosophy of invitational
education. The philosophy is centered on five propositions:
Five basic assumptions within Invitational Education
RESPECT: People are able, valuable, and responsible
and should be treated accordingly.
TRUST: Education should be a cooperative, collaborative activity.
OPTIMISM: People possess untapped potential in all areas of
worthwhile human endeavor.
TRUST: Process is as important as product.
INTENTIONALITY: Human potential can best be realized by creating
and maintaining places, policies, processes and programs specifically
designed to invite development, and by people who are intentionally
inviting with themselves and others, personally and professionally
("The Five P's").
We invite you to view this excerpt from the website on Invitational
Education. http://www.invitationaleducation.net/ie/ie.htm#Five
basic assumptions
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