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1. INTRODUCTION SECTION
In September 1999, we first published a newsletter addendum of examples
sent us by readers of our newsletter that showed ways being caring
helps
builds caring. The list has been growing, and below you will
now find
ninety examples of caring ways. The additions are a combination
of
what has come in various communications from readers as well as
"other
ways" that have learned or know of from varied sources.
To make this issue easier to use, we are including two facets to
the format we orignially had. All new items will be marked *
(since our last list update of approximately nine months ago)
and we are preceding the fuller expressions of our listing with
a
table of contents which shows the first line of each entry, so to
make for easier referral.
The purpose of this listing is not to define caring - but rather
to
pass on offerings of what many people believe caring attitudes
and actions are. Perhaps the examples and the groupings they
are tending to fall into will help us to some day to write a piece
on aspects to caring.
This will always be a work in progress ... so please forgive us
if you find some examples in groupings that don't work for you.
And, as you already know, your comments and contributions are
encouraged and welcome.
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2. CARING WAYS CONTENTS SECTION
1 Compliments
1. When paying a compliment, be specific. ..."That's a nice...
2. Celebrate successes you learn about from the children's...
3. Compliment the children for being kind and courteous and be...
4. Go out of your way to compliment a child who gets very...
5. Compliment the efforts, not just the successes. ... "That
was...
6. Show appreciation for receiving a compliment ... "Thanks
for...
7 Phone call home expressing something positive about the child...
2 Noticing and acknowledging
1. Celebrate all birthdays - even ones that do not occur on ....
2. Ask the child about something that you know is important...
3. When a child returns to school from being absent, ask them...
4 .When we see one child has a difficulty, we can address the...
5. When we see a child is upset, take time to speak with them...
6 When you see a child in the middle of an art project, consider...
7 If a child wishes to give you a gift of a work of art, accept
it ...
3 Small gestures and acts go a long way
1. Don't try to show the children how much you care all at once...
2. Give a reward or gift for no reason at all - other than
to...
3. Setting an example by beautifying is stronger than telling...
4. Find a way to make a personal contact to parents and care ...
5. At transitions to lessons create environments and actions that...
6. A gesture that accommodates individual needs is appreciated by...
7. A gift that is more an aesthetic or artistic expression ... one...
8. Add to physical comfort as well bring a feeling of relaxation
...
9. Work on placement of desk so that when a child comes up ...
10. Consider how necessary a rule is to determine if it is worth
keeping...
11. Give fair accomodations when giving a test such as...
4 Hellos and goodbyes / Beginnings and endings
1. Greet each child individually each morning. ... "Good morning...
2. Tell the students what was new and good for you this...
3. During the day, when seeing a child, look at him or her and...
4. At the end of the day, find a way to say something to each...
5. Know how to gracefully end a conversation with a child that is
going on...
6. Enter into and exit a period of quiet rest or reading with a
gentle voice...
7. When ending a conversation pause silently with the child before
turning...
5 Working on my own showing of anger and hostility
1. It is important to know how to deal with my own anger...
2. Deal with my own anger by making self statements...
3. Notice if my angry response to a child scares or demoralizes...
4. Be aware that responding to a child in a deadpan neutral...
5. Be aware of my own bias towards a child and go out of...
6. When a child does something that is troubling or hostile...
7. When I am feeling anger rise up within me, it can be helpful...
8. If I do lose or show my temper, it is helpful to talk about
it...
9. Be aware of holding on to an angry feeling too long - because
...
10. Be careful when dealing with anger to not to humiliate a child
...
11. Be careful about acting revengeful towards a child I am angry
...
12. When a child does something wrong, quickly - like pulling a
book ...
13. * When I over react now due to being on edge because of how
the student ...
14. * When I find myself staying with a point of view that is wrong
due to ...
6 Seeking and expressing the good
1. Identify some positive intent that exists, even in an action...
2. When I find it hard to relate to a certain student, I stand
...
3. Take note when I am starting to show continual disfavor
...
4. Notice when I am trying to find fault with a student and
not...
5. Tell myself that the student is doing something that annoys me...
6. Use light humorous suasion to help a student see a higher view
of...
7 Listening to gain understanding
1 . Listen first. We forget that teaching is not just
giving ...
2 . When beginning to hear what is happening with the child
it...
3 . Some times kneel next to the child to communicate...
4 . When listening to a child it is often useful to drop or
suspend...
5 . We can listen with our eyes as well as our ears to a whole
...
6 . Lets not forget to take time to listen in quiet - alone, or
along ...
7 . We can find quiet time for reflection or relaxing after a more
...
*8. Sometimes active listenting is helpful by nodding and saying
some ...
*9. In listening it is helpful to confirm, paraphrase, check for
understanding ...
*10. There is a concept known as "deep listening," where
I listen and use no ...
8 Engaging the students in communication of all
sorts
1 . Bring in stories of your own experiences. ... "I know how...
2 . Ask questions about feelings - not just facts. ... "If
you got...
3 . Allow your weaknesses to show - this is very human...
4 . When pressed for time, communicate with your students...
5 . Have a message center in the classroom where students...
6 . When seeking solutions with children, try to give them...
7 . An awareness that the children are not having fun due to...
8 . Showing patience when a child is needing more time to...
9 . Take time to engage with the children as they play or...
10 . In conversation, work on civilly taking turns and in...
11 . Listen by looking earnestly at the student and not while...
12 . Acknowledge the earnestness or genuineness of what you...
13 . Be aware of my own voice regarding tone and conversational
...
14 . Am I speaking in a vocabulary that is understandable, words...
15 . Sometimes it is helpful to 'slow down' what is going on, be
it...
16 . Find that good balance between attachment and neutrality...
17 . Be careful to give the child an opportunity to speak...
18 . Before I presuppose the child knows what I am talking about...
19 . Allow time for independent work without hovering over the ...
20 . When speaking to a child who is already speaking with...
21. In conversation, it is often very nice to say the child's name...
22. There is a demeanor in which we can have a gentle smile on...
23* Be careful on how long there is eye contact when there is silence...
24* When a child asks a question - get around to answering it...
25* When saying thank you for something, be looking at the child
...
9 Engaging the students in resolving social problems
1 . Be careful about invoking the "Golden Rule" too early
in...
2 . When we need to speak seriously to a child regarding...
3 . If children get into a fight, listen to both sides not just
the...
4 . Note when a child in the class is being "excluded"
by...
5 . It is ok to admit mistakes and apologize...
6 . Allow feelings of mercy to be present for what is going...
7 . Find a way to improve performance that looks for improvement
...
8 . Do not embarrass a child - by making an example of something
...
9. When you notice a transgression, allow the child to see you noticed...
10 Bring closure or sense of status to where things
stand
1 . After listening to a situation, take time to ask questions
...
2 . If an answer is not arrived at right away, prepare the
child...
3 . When a child has difficulty choosing one thing or...
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3. CARING WAYS MAIN SECTION
1 Compliments
1 . When paying a compliment, be specific. ..."That's
a nice
blue shirt." "Your spelling was really good in this
paragraph."
2 . Celebrate successes you learn about from the children's
home lives. ... "Congratulations on helping at home."
"I hear
you babysat - terrific!"
3 . Compliment the children for being kind and courteous and
be
courteous yourself. ... "Thanks for saying you're welcome."
4 . Go out of your way to compliment a child who gets very
few strokes. ... Take more care to notice what is important to them.
5 . Compliment the efforts, not just the successes. ... "That
was
a good try on that puzzle, I see you really working hard."
6 . Show appreciation for receiving a compliment ... "Thanks
for
noticing my new tie, I'm glad you like it."
7. Phone call home expressing something positive about the
child ...
"Hi, I wanted to let you know how friendly Joel was to a new
student today."
2 Noticing and acknowledging
1 . Celebrate all birthdays - even ones that do not occur
on
school days. ... Like when it falls on weekends, holidays or
during a school break.
2 . Ask the child about something that you know is important
to him or her. ... "How was that Little League game you played
last night?"
3 . When a child returns to school from being absent, ask
them
how they are. ... "Johnny, are you feeling better now?"
4 . When we see one child has a difficulty, we can address
the
subject to the class as a whole ... "Some of you may be having
difficulty drawing a fish, who would like to share a good way
for the class to see."
5 . When we see a child is upset, take time to speak with
them
privately to see what is going on ... that action is appreciated.
6. When you see a child in the middle of an art project, consider
initially asking the child about it in a positive way rather than
immediately
pointing out what you see and that you like it.
7. If a child wishes to give you a gift of a work of art, accept
it even
if you do not really want it at that moment in time.
3 Small gestures and acts go a long way
1 . Don't try to show the children how much you care all at
once
once - build up.... Start with a simple daily greeting, then
add
compliments or other comments later.
2 . Give a reward or gift for no reason at all - other than
to
show you love them. ... "Tomorrow, we all gets a treat, a
popcorn party!"
3 . Setting an example by beautifying is stronger than telling
children to do it. ... When walking on the school yard, pick up
a gum wrapper during recess.
4 . Find a way to make a personal contact to parents and care
givers
providers soon. ... Acknowledge the importance of their role and
something positive about their child.
5 . At transitions to lessons create environments and actions
that
bring feelings of warmth. ... At story telling, use softer
lighting
and gather the children around on the rug as you read from your
rocking chair.
6 . A gesture that accommodates individual needs is appreciated
by
children ... such as the willingness to give extra time to
a child who
is a very nervous test taker.
7 . A gift that is more an aesthetic or artistic expression ...
one
teacher gives an example of giving an eraser with an attached note
that says, "this is to remind you that everyone makes
miss takes
and that it is okay."
8 . Add to physical comfort as well bring a feeling of relaxation
by having big pillows or a couch in room.
9 . Work on placement of desk so that when a child comes up
to speak to the teacher, the child will be next to the chair
and not across from me.
10. Consider how necessary a rule is to determine if it is worth
keeping
" Do we really need to raise our hand to use the pencil sharpener"
for example.
11. Give fair accomodations when giving a test such as " Sally
would you like
to take the spelling test at your desk or sitting on couch?"
4 Hellos and goodbyes
1 . Greet each child individually each morning. ... "Good
morning
Alex, how are you to day?"
2 . Tell the students what was new and good for you this
morning, ... and ask the students to share the same.
3 . During the day, when seeing a child, look at him or her
and
smile. ... There are so many non-verbal ways that we can show
we care.
4 . At the end of the day, find a way to say something to each
child individually. ... One teacher looks at each booklet
with
the homework assignment in it and gives a pleasantry.
5. Know how to gracefully end a conversation with a child that is
going on
too long - "Jimmy, I like what you are saying, but we need
to continue our
conversation later when we have more time."
6. Enter into and exit a period of quiet rest or reading with a
gentle voice -
"(quietly) O.K. now children, let's get ready for silent reading."
7. When ending a conversation pause silently with the child before
turning -
A short pause while still looking at the child shows that he or
she is
important and that you are not just rushing to the next thing to
do."
5 Working on my own showing of anger and hostility
1 . It is important to know how to deal with my own anger
in a purely physical way ... such as taking a deep breath,
counting to ten, find my own space, etc.
2 . Deal with my own anger by making self statements. ...
Think thoughts that neutralize or counter immediate
negative thoughts
3 . Notice if my angry response to a child scares or demoralizes
him or her. ... We can always work on how we interact with
children.
4 . Be aware that responding to a child in a deadpan neutral
way can be accurately interpreted as 'displeasure.' ... There
is
a way to be more neutral with an underpinning of affection,
rather than with an underpinning of displeasure.
5 . Be aware of my own bias towards a child and go out of
my way to try to deal with this child fairly ... just because
I don't like tattoos, I should not treat a student unkindly
due to this (new).
6 . When a child does something that is troubling or hostile
it can be helpful to ask myself and/or the child ... "What's
really going on or what is happening behind what you are
saying and the way you are saying it."
7 . When I am feeling anger rise up within me, it can be helpful
to me and the child to let them know what is happening ... "I
am starting to feel angry, so I am going to do something to
help me get calm again.
8 . If I do lose or show my temper, it is helpful to talk about
it
and share with the source of irritation either how ... "I am
sorry
for doing that" or "let's see what can be done so that
I feel calm
again."
9 . Be aware of holding on to an angry feeling too long - because
if I do, there may be an expression of temper that is not
necessary.
10 . Be careful when dealing with anger to not to humiliate a child,
this is an easy trap to fall into.
11 . Be careful about acting revengeful towards a child I am angry
at,
like going out of my way to find fault and punish him or her.
Welcome to our one-stop source for designer HUBLOT REPLICA WATCHES. The performance and.
12. When a child does something wrong, quickly - like pulling a
book
away from another child, be careful about going up and snappy the
book away from the offending child.
*13. When I over react now due to being on edge because of how the
student
has been instigating in the minutes prior, I admit that the child
did not do
anything wrong just now however they were responsible for creating
a
situation that has me on edge. (new November 2001)
*14. When I find myself staying with a point of view that is wrong
due to
my pride or irritation I feel regarding the other person, it is
good to fess
up to this first to myself and then determine the decent way to
change
course and share about it to the other person. (new November
2001)
6 Seeking and expressing the good
1 . Identify some positive intent that exists, even in an
action
that does not work out well. ... "I know you want to help your
friend, but giving him the answers on the test is a not a
useful way."
2 . When I find it hard to relate to a certain student, I
stand
back, look and say, ... "God (or someone in his or her life)
loves this child, and I will too."
3 . Take note when I am starting to show continual disfavor
with a child. ... Often by understanding more what is going on
with the child will help me (find a way to) feel more positive.
4 . Notice when I am trying to find fault with a student and
not
only stop, but look to do the opposite ... "Vince, I noticed
that
after you scowled at Sally, you caught yourself - good work."
5. Tell myself that the student is doing something that annoys me
but not to annoy me - "That clucking sound that Albert makes
for example."
6. Use light humorous suasion to help a student see a higher view
of
him or herself - "Alice, even though I'm sure what you are
saying to Susan is of
great importance, you know you can it can wait until after our silent
period."
7 Listening to gain understanding
1 . Listen first. We forget that teaching is not just
giving answers
and reasons. ... In this way we validate the thinking process of
our
students as it is presented to us.
2. When beginning to hear what is happening with the child it
is good to turn our body towards the child. ... In this way we
show that we are giving our full attention.
3. Some times kneel next to the child to communicate
with him or her. ... Speaking from on high can be distancing and
can feel daunting.
4. When listening to a child it is often useful to drop or suspend
judgment. ... By not doing so, we may prejudge what we are
about
to hear.
5. We can listen with our eyes as well as our ears to a whole group
of children or mainly one from afar ... quiet observation
can give
good insights.
6. Lets not forget to take time to listen in quiet - alone, or along
with the students doing the same ... quiet reflection helps me look
back or forward as well as just allows whatever feelings and
thoughts to rise up.
7. We can find quiet time for reflection or relaxing after a more
active time ... through using some expression such as guided imagery
or music that allows a mood to be set and calm to return.
*8. Sometimes active listenting is helpful by nodding and saying
some
words along the way that shows I am very interested in what the
child
is telling me and am encouraging them to continue. We should be
careful
to affirm along the lines of what is being expressed and not have
our
responses reflect what we want. (new November 2001)
*9. In listening it is helpful to confirm, paraphrase, check for
understanding.
In this way the other person realizes we are listening and most
importantly
for both of us, we are aiming to gain fuller understanding. (new
November 2001)
*10. There is a concept known as "deep listening," where
I listen and use no
gestures, expressions or words. By doing this I am truly leaving
the expression
to the child, patiently waiting through some periods of silence
or their pausing
to find the right words to use. It is helpful to the child to know
why I am doing
this so that they do not believe I am being unfriendly or unsupportive.
The more
any form of good listening occurs we find that even in this form
of silence, the
child can sense quiet support. Of course this works in some situations
and it
is up to the teacher to understand how extensively to use this approach.
(new November 2001)
8 Engaging the students in communication of all sorts
1 . Bring in stories of your own experiences. ... "I
know how
frightening it was for Hansel and Gretel to get lost in the woods,
it happened to me one time."
2 . Ask questions about feelings - not just facts. ... "If
you got
lost how would you feel," rather than just saying "What
would
you do?"
3 . Allow your weaknesses to show - this is very human. ...
"I must admit, I had trouble learning how to boil an egg and,
my mom was a home Economics teacher!"
4 . When pressed for time, communicate with your students
later in writing. ... One teacher has a special box where she
puts notes to her students.
5 . Have a message center in the classroom where students
can give the teacher notes that can be read and responded
to at a quiet time (new).
6 . When seeking solutions with children, try to give them
opportunities to choose among alternatives. ... Providing
choices increases a child's problem solving ability as
well as enhancing his or her feelings of self worth.
7 . An awareness that the children are not having fun due
to
a controlling environment in your class. ... Noticing and
empathizing are often the first steps to bringing changes,
even small ones.
8 . Showing patience when a child is needing more time to
figure something out. ... Often the teacher or other students
want to come to the 'rescue' too soon.
9 . Take time to engage with the children as they play or
work peacefully ... " Good shot, Ruben."
10 . In conversation, work on civilly taking turns and in
doing so, give the other person time to fully finish a thought
without undue interruption.
11 . Listen by looking earnestly at the student during the
entire
and not while doing something else at the same time ... shuffling
papers for example.
12 . Acknowledge the earnestness or genuineness of what you
are hearing from the student ... "I can tell that playing
with
your cousins is really important to you."
13 . Be aware of my own voice regarding tone and conversational
style. "Am I being too preachy when I really want
to be more
casual - and take more time to seek and listen to the
comments of the student."
14. Am I speaking in a vocabulary that is understandable, words
that are not too difficult or syntax too complicated ... "Let
me say that again in a simpler way."
15. Sometimes it is helpful to 'slow down' what is going on, be
it
in a singular conversation or activities in the room ... "ok
now,
let's go back to our seats and line up again - quietly.
16. Find that good balance between attachment and neutrality.
Sometimes acting detached with a goal to build independence will
actually accomplish the opposite. It is helpful to be warm,
but
to discuss ways that encourages and teaches a child to learn to
eventually help themselves (new).
17. Be careful to give the child an opportunity to speak ... when
we don't give another a chance to easily take a turn in the
conversation it becomes frustrating for that person.
18. Before I presuppose the child knows what I am talking about...
it is prudent to check that out "Alvin, were you aware of the
rule
about bringing pet possums to school unannounced?
19. Allow time for independent work without hovering over the
student ... when given the room to make little transgressions, the
student may find them less attractive to do.
20. When speaking to a child who is already speaking with
another child ... be aware of "how I will speak without
interrupting rudely.
21. In conversation, it is often very nice to say the child's name
at
various times in a converstion - "Tashay, can you tell me again
what
why you like this story so much."
22. There is a demeanor in which we can have a gentle smile on our
face. Finding a friendly place within you and expressing it is helpful
to a child.
23* Be careful on how long there is eye contact when there is silence
...
It is good to look at a child eyes however we can be sensitive as
to how
long is comfortable. (new September 2001)
24* When a child asks a question - get around to answering it ...
it
can be reassuring to to be gotten back to even if it is to say,
"I can't
answer that until later." (new September 2001)
25* When saying thank you for something, be looking at the child.
This is
a very strong way to communicate caringly. (new September 2001)
9 Engaging the students in resolving social problems
1. Be careful about invoking the "Golden Rule" too early
in
problem solving. ... This can bring about guilt or resentment.
It may be better to initially ask, "How do you think she feels,"
rather than, "how would you like it if she did that to
you?"
2. When we need to speak seriously to a child regarding
behavior, avoid embarrassing them. ... Find a way to
conference privately or discreetly.
3. If children get into a fight, listen to both sides not
just the
child who was hurt or is crying. ... There is sometimes a cause
behind the cause that needs to be understood.
4. Note when a child in the class is being "excluded"
by
others. ... Give that child attention alone, and with the class
present. This one can be delicate.
5. It is ok to admit mistakes and apologize ...
"Guess what kids, I made a mistake and I'm sorry."
6. Allow feelings of mercy to be present for what is going
on or has happened with a child. Feeling mercy does not
mean not dealing with the situation - it just allows us to be
more compassionate (new).
7. Find a way to improve performance that looks for improvement
and not perfection ... "Alfredo - show me that you are
making an
effort to interrupt less ... by interrupting less.
8. Do not embarrass a child - by making an example of something
that is best handled privately ... conference privately with
the
student.
9. When you notice a transgression, allow the child to see you noticed
what they just did, but you are not calling him or her on it. This
often
gives the child the opportunity to appreciatively self correct.
10 Bring closure or sense of status to where things
stand
1. After listening to a situation, take time to ask questions
first
before taking action. ... This gives helps the child assess
the
situation and contribute to finding the answer.
2. If an answer is not arrived at right away, prepare the
child
for it. ... "We will continue after tomorrow, in the meantime
congratulate yourself on the progress you made."
3. When a child has difficulty choosing one thing or
another, ... helping them choose either one can resolve the
situation.
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4. Draft of new logo and primary image for our website (new
March 2001)
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